Goofy things that make me smile on monday morning, when I’ve run out of scotch over the weekend

Amazon reviews. Amazon reviews are a nearly bottomless pool of hilarity.

Microwave for One (wouldn’t you want a copy of a book from this woman, heck I want to date her, imagine how well we’d eat):

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Then the most helpful review on Amazon for this book:

3,437 of 3,496 people found the following review helpful

By Michael Pemulis on January 10, 2011

It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I’d want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather’s shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison’s Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things.

And then always check out the “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed” part:

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North …

Hardcover
$17.28

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Which Amazon tells me is frequently bought with:

Dancing with Jesus: Featuring a Host of Miraculous Moves Board book

by Sam StallSinging hymns of praise is standard practice—now it’s time to set your feet a-tapping with a collection of original dance moves inspired by Jesus and the likes of Moses and John the Baptist. Dances include: the Water Walk, the Temptation Tango, the Judas Hustle, and The Apostolic Conga. Each dance move is outlined with: how to, inspiration, and an illustration. Slyly irreverent but ultimately festive, Dancing with Jesus is illustrated in full color. Best of all, two of the dances are animated for full effect by a lenticular cover and last-spread finale, making this a truly one-of-a-kind novelty item!

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Moving right along, folks,  there are the worst reviews. Go to a famous book, and sort reviews in worst to best order.

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1.0 out of 5 stars BORING!, February 15, 2014
This review is from: Moby Dick: or, the White Whale (Kindle Edition)
This book had to be the most boring book I have ever read. There was way too much description of the whale! This book needs more story line.
And
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1.0 out of 5 stars boring, January 4, 2014
This review is from: Pride and Prejudice (Kindle Edition)
Austen tells a story of an interesting milieu and era where marriage determined the standing of a woman. However, this was not enough to keep up my interest and reading through the endless dialogues of gossip, i felt the same annoyance as when sitting next to a loud mouthed idiot in a train.
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One thought on “Goofy things that make me smile on monday morning, when I’ve run out of scotch over the weekend

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