Crystaldoc wrote: Your comments about a partner (and children) giving strength to achieve really resonate with me. It is a destructive construct of certain old-school feminists that these things should be at odds with each other. Thank you.
Old school feminists… thats worth a lengthy post right there, but this got me started thinking, and its worth more than just a reply. Firstly, it is good to resonate with Crystaldoc. Secondly, I am somewhere between 1rst & 2nd generation. I have seen enough old school, and my mom who was a pre-feminist feminist of the “greatest generation”. I try to understand where they come from, and where some of those destructive ideas originated. Sometimes you get a glimpse of what they survived. It is worth listening to the stories, if for nothing else to give perspective to your life. Remember, some of these women grew up before kotex, let alone tampons (hey, when I was a teen-ager, girls were not supposed to used tampons because it would compromise your viriginity). Minipads? forget it. When people say there have been no improvements in society, I point to tampons, brewed decaffeinated coffee and no smoking in restaurants (admittedly all first world benefits).
But back to Crystaldoc’s comment, which actually is more about the BlueHair Squadron. To expect gratitude from your children is foolish. They own the world the way you did when you were 17 or 27. No parent, or even advisor does things because they expect to get thanked. They do it because they love, or because its the right thing to do, or because they get up with themselves in the morning. The benefits, including strength to achieve is one small part. Old school feminists did the best they could in a situation that’s hard to imagine. We all have been the young turk changing the way the world looks. Rejoice in it while it happens. And when you get to be a blue hair, or incipient blue hair, remember that your kids have to find their own way, make their own changes and rejoice in their strength and independence.